I find the (for lack of a better description) right-and-left debate over sex education to be quite amusing.
The discussion in its simplest terms comes down to education versus abstinence.
Oh, how they roil in what seems to be a choice between religious guidance and high-brow paternalism. Their charts, their statistics, their religion...all presented quite intelligently and matter-of-factly.
On the education side, Lisa Miller of Newsweek notes that there are those who:
“…..believe that comprehensive sex education is the best way to assure that young girls don’t unexpectedly find themselves at the abortion clinic.”
HotAir poster Laura believes in the abstinence mantra:
“Don’t do this; it’s not time in your life yet for this.”
Both sides have merit, and it is not hard to believe that each side would acknowledge that a bit of both messages are not totally unreasonable.
What I find amusing is the fervor of the so-called debate…the either/or. Even at my advanced age, I remember my sex education classes at Concord High School. It was probably a mixture of mechanics along with a little bit of “you’ll be sorry”.
But there is one thing that neither sex education nor the abstinence indoctrination can never do. No matter how wise we want our tweens and teens to be, no matter how many films and presentations we show them, no matter how many times we tell them what can happen if they find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy….how their lives will be ruined, their youth stolen from them…..
No matter what we say or do, no matter how many government programs are dedicated to preventing teen pregnancy, no matter how good our parenting skills, there is something even more powerful than the government and parenting.
I am sorry, Big Brother, and I am sorry Mr. And Mrs. Cleaver. There is something way more powerful than either of you put together. It does not matter that your daughter is an A-student, on the varsity hockey team, and has what you consider to be acceptable friends.
It does not matter at all, because when she is steaming up the back seat of a Chevy with the bass player all that goes out of the window.
Anecdotally speaking, of course.
And, at that moment, the pictures of the human reproductive system are the last thing on her mind. She might remember something about condoms…somewhere….somewhere that is in the back of her mind but the windows are steaming and the moment is right and it can’t happen to me and then OMG and then maybe a moment of hesitation and doubt and thinking about what Mom told her and then but the smell is so sweet and everything is all warm and she knows it is wrong but there it is….there it is, and then it happens so fast and she knows it is wrong somehow but not sure exactly why because it seems so right.
And just like Scarlett O’Hara, she knows that tomorrow will be another day.
HotAir contribution Laura goes on to say:
“We object to the theory that teenagers are mindless bags of hormones who can’t be expected to control themselves.”
But oh my dear, of course they are mindless. That is what being a teenager is all about.
The most sophisticated of educations and the most nurturing and enlightened parents are helpless to stop it. Both sides of the faux debate are off base if they are exclusive in their prescription.
Maybe they are a little too old to remember. The intellectualization of sex is a lost cause. It cannot be done. And for those who may be beyond their teenage years, one only has to harken to the words of the middle-aged Molly Bloom to remind us that we are helpless against it:
“……my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a flower of the mountains yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes...
...I was a Flower of the mountains yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him and yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will yes.”
I tend to think that it is the parenting that is the most influential, but even that is helpless against the moment.
The true test of parenting, and the true test of society is what happens afterwards.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
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14 comments:
Procreation is in every creature's makeup, and is especially strong in the prime years. Youth's urges overrule logic, so it's important to teach safe sex. Abstinence only education is a charade.
I believe this is an either/or proposition as to what to teach (abstinence vs. education), simply because the former might lead to teens not having condoms with them when they end up in the back seat of that Chevy (they were trying to abstain, so why would they need condoms or take contraceptives?).
Sure, mention abstinence if you want, with the knowledge that pretty much every kid in class will be ignoring that part. And the ones that don't are likely to crumble anyway when the critical moment arrives (and won't be carrying a condom).
Personally, I don't think teaching abstinence should be done in school. I believe that's up to the parents to transmit that kind of moral position to their own kids. School should tell them how sex works, and the possible consequences (conception, STDs).
--B
I think we're pretty much on the same page.
Schools can teach the mechanics...it's up to the parents to do the rest. I think it is OK for schools to talk about avoidance, but without the "you're going to go to hell" histrionics.
In the end, it all comes down to that moment. Alot of factors come into play, and it can be the decision of a lifetime.
The biggest factor for me? Not sex ed. It was dad telling me he'd punch the daylights outta me if he ever found out I got a girl pregnant.
I vote for late term Abortion,
lets say somewhere about 26 years old.
Paul
So Hube, He never found out, right?
Oh the times they are a changing...the majority of US high schoolers are sexually abstinent.
Full disclosure - I'm not too far removed from that population, I made it through without getting my Bill Clinton on. Was it rough? Hell yeah. Was it worth it. Yes.
No program is ever going to be 100% effective but we still spend plenty of tax payer money trying to convince teenagers to drive near the speed limit and most of them do that. Every high schooler should know how to use a condom, actually, if they can't figure it out already we're probably in a bit of trouble. In any case, it doesn't hurt anything to tell teens to keep it in their pants, especially as it appears a good number of them are listening.
I don't understand why folks are so quick to say abstinence education is morality based. It's a frickin' option people, and educators shouldn't be so loathe to include it. What sucks are the giggles, and winks that about shame some of the youth into thinking they can't pick it. Believe it or not, some of these kids want an option out of having sex--why not help them?
Anon at 9:11: Funny!
You don't know my dad. I heeded his advice. It was like that scene in Animal House when Pinto had the opportunity to defile that passed out drunk girl. But instead of the angel and devil on his shoulders, on mine there was the devil ... and my dad!
Yea for Hube's dad, hope you are just like him.
Heh, I think it was the potential wrath of my father that kept me pretty much on the straight and narrow during those years.
He's 79 years old today, and I still am trying to impress him :)).
"I don't understand why folks are so quick to say abstinence education is morality based."Because it is. Abstinence in this context means: no sex until marriage, when you'll be free to fulfill sexual intercourse's only purpose: reproduction. Abstinence education won't teach anything about reproduction otherwise, for instance, nothing about contraception methods (since sex is for having babies, after one is married to a virgin partner). I'd say it's most definitely based on a certain set of morals, which I believe should only be taught at home by parents, not at schools.
And what exactly do you mean by "why not help them?" It's not like kids are being forced into having sex, you know.
--B
Objectively, we would all be better off if sex was had inside the bounds of marriage. No matter what moral background you come from, every stat you can dig up says that delaying sex is better for the subject. Why are folks so afraid to say that?
"Objectively, we would all be better off if sex was had inside the bounds of marriage. No matter what moral background you come from, every stat you can dig up says that delaying sex is better for the subject. Why are folks so afraid to say that?"I am not familiar with those stats, but, objectively, we would all be better off if we were more certain to be compatible with those whom we choose to marry/live with/etc., by means of becoming intimate with them before fully committing. Why are folks so afraid to say that?
--B
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